"A band so horrible, they make deaf people cry."

As I seem to be getting my MA in youtube videos and blogs I've recently stumbled upon the worst thing in music - EVER.

It's a band called Brokencyde. They sound like hipster electro meets screamo-misogynist-fratboys channeling gangsta rap through autotune. The band members have names like Se7en and Phat J. Urban Dictionary, something I discovered before my MA on the internet, defines Brokencyde as, "The act of having a penis inserted into your ear" and "A band so horrible, they make deaf people cry."

Watching this video I thought I had a problem with my internet connection but then realized no, no... that's actually some dude screaming. Now, I did listen, albeit unhappily, to screamo music in the mid 90s punk rock all-ages scene, but never have been able to appreciate it like a 13 year old boy can, which is exactly these guys target market: pre-teen suburban newrave goths who shop at Urban Outfitters and have a hate-on for the world.

Now I'll walk you through their amazing lyrics:

I walk into the club looking kind of sexy now.
I see these shorties in the corner, they started making out.
They pull their panties down, They take their pants off.
Then they started getting freaky on the dance floor.

So we've got this kind of music for the girls-gone-wild crowd. Lame. Nothing new here. Then it goes on...

Blah Blah bitches....
Blah blah drugs...
Blah blah bling, cars, bitches and drugs (my lyrics)

then..

If you want me baby feel me in.
Cause I don't waste my time with lesbians.

What? Umm isn't it that lesbians don't waste their time on you. They don't dig dicks. Yeesh.

Then there's a chorus of:

Lets get freaky now, lets get fucking freaky now.

Fine. Every song by Nelly or Kayne is full of that.

And out of left field comes screamo dude with:

LIAR!

WTF? Liar? Why? What happened? She wasn't a lesbian? She just said that to get you to leave her alone? That's what I'd do.

Then it's:


So GO baby Go baby.
Come and get me.

Wait? You want me to go? Or stay and get with you? I'm confused. Make up your mind.

Then screamo guy's back with:

NO!!!!!

No? What? Go? Come? Seriously what is going on?

Finally it gets tied up nicely with a chorus of:


Lets get freaky now, lets get fucking freaky now.

It's interesting to note they also have a song called Schizophrenia. This one includes the lyrics:
One! two! We're coming for you.
Three! four! Lock your door.
Five! six! Suck on my dick.

Ok, that one did make me laugh. But I'm not sure that was intended.

Now I realize I've wasted 20+ minutes researching these guys, writing about them and wondering how the hell these guys have a record contract. But I'm a little hung over and that's my right. Brokencyde certainly is inspiring me to make something of my life now. If I don't, and continue to expose myself to them I'm sure to lose all my faith in humanity.

Here's the video if you want to hurt yourself.

Things to note:
The fantastic metro-sexual hair.
Amateur video hoes who look like they came straight from the mall on Friday night.
The part where the screamo guy puts his hands on a girls neck. Who touches someone like that?
I also love that this was probably made for $100 in their suburban neighborhood and they probably borrowed their Dad's cars. The graphics are stunning.





Apparently they are touring the UK right now. Sadly they are not coming to London - wonder why.